


Crowley Gets A Wahoo

by Sodium_Azide



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Fish, Gen, Gift Giving, Misunderstandings, POV Outsider, Post-Canon, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27928387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sodium_Azide/pseuds/Sodium_Azide
Summary: An angel is impulsive in his affection. Gifts are given. A fish is polite. A demon buys a new flat.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 83





	Crowley Gets A Wahoo

"Ok, so I was swimming, right? I was chasing a bunch of tasty little shrimp. Delicious, but fast buggers. So I was near the surface, but I haven't been afraid of a pelican since I got past the fingerling stage-I like to think I'm a big sumbitch, so feeling pretty confident. Anyway, massive pair of wings, huge splash, and there I go, lifted up and out, and I figure that's the end for me. I had a good run. But...nothing starts to eat me, and I can still breathe, even though I'm above the surface. And so I figure, where there's life, there's hope, right? So I'm flapping my fins, trying to slither out-I'm healthy, I have nice slick scales, no parasites, even! 

Ok, so I'm vain, what of it? 

Shut up. 

Anyway, the big bird actually asks me to stop struggling, and who knew that birds spoke Wahoo? That's pretty shocking, so I settle, and the bird doesn't jostle as much, flying steady. The bird promises I'm not going to be eaten, which is clearly a lie, but it seems sincere? I believed it, for some reason. I'm drying out fast, so I tell the bird, and suddenly I'm all nice and wet again. Can't see much, though. It's bright above the surface! So we get to land, and the bird, and I swear to you this is true, folds its wings out of the way, or maybe the big birds are better with camouflage than any octopus could dream of. Then we're kinda' bumping along for a bit, but the big bird is holding me pretty steady, and I'm trying to be polite, since the bird's been polite, and if I don't get eaten, this is the most adventure I have ever had. Definitely gonna make me stand out of the crowd come spawning season. So I'm trying not to squirm, and we finally get out of the awful brightness, and the light water that's like air but doesn't kill me isn't moving as fast.

"Then we're moving, even though the big bird isn't, but we've all gotten stuck in the middle of a current before, so I guess birds have that same problem. The bird tells me that we're going to see its nestmate, which makes me nervous, but apparently they don't have any young, so that's a relief. It says the nestmate likes my species, and yeah, who wouldn't? So we finally get to the nest, I guess, and the bird kinda' shuffles me around but apologizes. It's gonna' present me to the nestmate, so we negotiate around a bit, and I lay on its thorax and neck, so that my scales look good and it shows off my pattern. The bird hits the nest, which is a strange thing to do to a nest, but this is a strange bird, so oh well, and the nest...opens, I guess. There's a lot of noise after this, and they don't bother to translate for me, which is rude, but it doesn't last long, and then I got released into this small ocean, with all of the shrimp and little things to chase and a bunch of rocks with nice hollows to hide in.

"The birds talked with me a little, and I could either go back to the big ocean, now that the nestmate saw me, or I could stay in the small ocean as a thanks for my patience with the bird.

"So of course I picked the option without sharks, do I look like an idiot? And I've been here a while, but the birds don't always have the time to chat, so now they've brought you here. It's good to see another Wahoo. So...yeah. Hello. I'm glad to see you. Welcome to the small ocean. There's plenty of shrimp to share. I like your pattern."

“How did you get here?”

* * *

In the penthouse of a beautiful, modern building in Mayfair, there is a minimalist decorating scheme, a color palette mostly concerned with gray and black, and a small, terrified jungle. This is the flat of a demon.  
In the flat below, there is a large leather-upholstered couch with a faded quilt tossed over one arm, and an end table. Additionally, there is a massive 3,000 gallon seawater aquarium. The aquarium is equipped with a filtration system that makes it purer than the actual ocean, and is filled with live plants, interesting rocks, and other aquatic detritus. The rocks, water, and filter have been there for a year. The plants have slowly been added by a snake that has no need to breathe, and will occasionally play if asked nicely.

The flat, and the aquarium within it, is the home of two large Wahoos, currently flashing in a circular courting dance. 

Sometimes, two other beings will visit and sit on the couch and converse with them. They have finished their courting dance and can now sit together.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an idea that hit out of nowhere, with someone on Discord resurrecting the fanon joke about a Wahoo being a type of fish. Then I ran with it. If you're curious about why this fish might be (justifiably) vain about its appearance, [here's what a Wahoo looks like](https://www.google.com/search?q=the+wahoo+fish&safe=off&rlz=1CAXLEN_enUS739US743&sxsrf=ALeKk01CzvA7jdryt0SLcWIpsVcCoDlxFw:1607404996593&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiaytOe0r3tAhXEl60KHW1AAPgQ_AUoAXoECA4QAw&biw=1366&bih=649).


End file.
